Piper: I love you. Prue:  Bite me! (Thanks goes to Meg for sending me this quote) Piper: The only Halliwell that likes earthquakes. Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running naked through the house screaming "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE." either. Phoebe: Okay, that is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers. Phoebe: Come on, you don't think we'll be 60 and still living together, sharing clothes and a cat. Piper: Well now that you put it that way, no, I don't want to live with you anymore. Phoebe: No. According to the Book Of Shadows, one of our ancestors was a witch, named Melinda Warren. Piper: And we have a cousin who's a drunk, an aunt who's manic, and a father who's invisible. Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff. Phoebe: Sure, why not? Piper: Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa. Leo: Piper, what are you doing? Piper: Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge? Leo: She's not in charge. Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate. Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal. Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? [She holds up his death certificate] Piper: Let's not get technical now. Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding? Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books? Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question? Piper: Hi, Phoebe. Need a diaper change? Phoebe: Haha, very funny. Look, we need you to come home right away by midnight or else... Piper: The tooth fairy's gonna come and harass us all for not flossing? Prue: Okay, how did you get this stuff so fast? Piper: Oh, I just let my fingers do the walking and the clicking and the... flipping. Prue: Flipping as in the pages of the Book of Shadows? You used magic? Piper: Well, yeah, I couldn't wait six to eight weeks for delivery. Prue: That is so personal gain. Piper: No, 'cause we need all of this stuff. Xotar: I'm Krell, a Xotar. Prue: I'm Prue, a Scorpio. Cole: You've got to hold my hand. Prue: This already sucks. Phoebe: We thought that the good guys were bad guys, in trying to vanquish them we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for the good guys Leo: Was that English? Piper: It was all of those women showing off their sonogram pictures, and it was just working on my last nerve. Like, "Look, it's Jasper's first photo. And it's going to go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says 'Jasper's First Photo'." Leo: Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to help you relax. Ava: Oh you've made that clock so small, you must posses great powers Piper: No, just a great credit card Piper: We have to find a way of hiding the rutabaga. Prue: The rutabaga? Piper: It's code word for the thing we're not supposed to talk about. Prue: Oh, the rutabaga. Paige: You used to be a demon *and* a lawyer? Cole: Yeah. Paige: Insert joke here. Phoebe: I think I found the demon. Oh my god... Paige: What? You can't say "demons" followed by "oh my god" - I'm new at this, I'm likely to panic Head Dwarf: When's her prince getting here? Piper: She doesn't have a prince. Head Dwarf: No prince? So then who's going to kiss her? Dwarf #1: I'll do it. Dwarf #2: In your dreams stinky. I'll do it. Dwarf #1: I told you not to call me that. Head Dwarf: People. A little professional decorum here please. (To Piper) Forgive them, it's been a while. Grams: Piper blew up the wolf from inside. Although it took her long enough. Piper: Hey, back off Grams, I just saved your ass. Paige: What just happened? Piper: The freaking furniture just attacked us. Genie: Look, uh, you're probably a little bit upset, huh? Piper: No, I've moved past upset and straight to pissed off. Piper: Where the hell is Leo, it's been five hours and he hasn't responded to any of my calls. Chris Perry: I really don't know Piper: Well I really think you do know Chris Perry: Well maybe I do, and if I'm right, Leo's gonna need some major alone time Piper: You know what? Cut the cryptic crap. I want you to go up there and bring Leo back now. Chris Perry: Fine. But if I was you I would focus on finding a way to unfreeze Paige 'cause you're gonna need her... soon Piper: I swear to God if he does not bring Leo back I am gonna blow his ass back to the future orbs and all. Pheobe: Okay, Piper maybe it would be better if you go downstairs and spend some time with Wyatt... you're not breathing are you? Piper: Nope Pheobe: Breathe, inhale, exhale, okay next sister. Grams: Have you been exercising your powers daily? Piper: Do I need to? Grams: Well, you know, if you don't want to lose control of them. Did you perform a ritual to promote growth? [Piper and Leo look sheepish] Grams: Did you cast a spell to ward off demonic parasites? [Piper and Leo continue to look ashamed] Grams: Sweetheart, what did you do? Leo: We built a nursery in our bedroom closet. Grams: No wonder this baby summoned me. Piper: So what do you say to an overbearing younger sister who's treating her pregnant older sister like a porcelain doll? Phoebe: "Thank you"? Piper: How about "Knock it off"? Phoebe: That's probably better advice. Leo: Ladies, death cannot be feared. For death, in time, comes to all witches. You know, the witch who says she's not scared in battle is a liar. The real witch is the one who fights. Piper: Honey? Leo: Yeah? Piper: Zip it. Piper: Wow, prenatal yoga this morning and now you want to crash a stranger's funeral? You really do need friends. Paige: You're mean. [Morris extends his arm to touch Piper's belly] Morris: Hey, if you ask me, there's nothing more beautiful than a preg... Piper: Do it, and you'll pull back a bloody stub. [Morris retracts his arm] Paige: She's a little sensitive right now. Morris: I can see that. Paige: Oh, gross. What are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie? Piper: No, it's The Joys of Home Birthing. Strangely I'm not feeling the joy. Piper: I can't believe we got arrested for kidnapping ourselves. Prue: It should make for a pretty interesting defense. Piper: You think this is funny? Not only are we stuck in jail, we're stuck in the past. Prue: Yes, I know, Piper. I've been following. Piper: You were all over him with your breasts all... whatever... Phoebe: I didn't even have breasts back then. Piper: Phoebe, you've always had breasts. Paige: [speaking to Piper in an alternate reality] And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed One. Yeah, you don't mind kicking ass when you have to, but otherwise you'd rather be hanging out with your sisters, baking cookies, or knitting booties. Piper: Knitting booties? Clearly you don't know me at all. Rodriguez: Bottom line, I know my partner was killed by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it. Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it. Phoebe: What are those? Piper: Slipcovers. To keep the furniture clean. Although I've come to the conclusion we should probably just stand from now on. Leo: Piper, I need you to help me find Paige. Piper: I'm not talking to her until she cleans up her room. Father Thomas: There's nothing you can do. It will find us, and when it does we're all dead. Piper: Well you're just a ray of sunshine now aren't ya. Phoebe: Okay we theme, you potion. Piper: Me peeved, you annoying. Prue: [to Darryl] So in the meantime we can just stick together since we are both dateless. Piper: He's not dateless, he's married. You're dateless 'cause you're picky Piper: Bad Prue. Very bad Prue. [Prue growls] Piper: Hi, Kujo, who you growling at? Piper: Pheobe, why would you even leave her alone with it? Phoebe: Well, because she's our sister. [Piper Laughs] Piper: Not for long. Prue: Hey, be nice. I don't even want to think about sin tonight. Phoebe: Me neither. Prue: So, this is an interesting band, what's their name? Piper: Orgy. Paige: My sweater shrunk. Piper: Ah, come on. You've worn tighter things than that. Piper: You asked me to marry you, and I did. You wanted a family, and I gave you a son. And now you just want me to watch you walk away? Leo: Piper it's not that simple. Piper: Then make it simple. Paige: We kick evil's ass every day. Piper: Sometimes twice a day. [Green blob is growing rapidly on Chris, trapping him] Grams: Oh, you must be Chris, the new whitelighter. [Aside, to Leo] Grams: You know, he doesn't look very qualified for the job. Phoebe: So, we get to go back there? And we get to meet our grandfather? Grams: Don't make too much out of it, because whatever you do, you can't change the past or tell anyone you're from the future. Phoebe: [Indicates Chris] Well, why does he get to? Chris: Because I know what I'm doing. Grams: Not from where I'm standing. Piper: Oh, you know what? She's getting angry. And our powers don't work so good when we're angry. Mitzy: We've got them now. Piper: Yeah, you've got us now so why don't you blow us up? Phoebe: Piper, death bad, life good. Paige: Don't worry, this bimbo couldn't hit the broadside of a beauty parlour. Check out that dye job. [The blonde sisters gasp] Mabel: How dare you! [Mabel blows up the doors] Piper: Run! Phoebe: Piper, just so you know, I may have to flee the country, but just for a little while. And I will call you, okay. Piper: Oh, no you don't, Missy. There will be no fleeing the country until you clean up after yourself. Phoebe: No-no-no-no-no, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm possessed. Piper: That is not an excuse! Phoebe: A little help here. Piper: What are you doing with that thing? Phoebe: Well, first I'm gonna kill it and then I'm gonna stuff it. Piper: You are not bringing that filthy fowl in the house. Phoebe: Yes, I am. Thanksgiving's early this year. Rodriguez: Prue Halliwell... is a witch. Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz.