General, page one

Piper: I don't want a test run, I remember when Phoebe was a baby and Mom was miserable and Prue kept dropping her.

Prue: Hah, changing the subject.

Piper: I said maybe...that is all you have to do.

Phoebe: You did not say maybe.

Piper: Yes I did, I absolutely...

Phoebe: I did not head the word "maybe"---

Piper: Yes, I did!

Piper: And I realized, that I don't want to have died, not being married to you. My answer is yes Leo.

Phoebe: Are you asking me out counsellor?

Piper: Leo! You're supposed to knock, not orb!

Leo: But, I live here!

Phoebe: Oh, she's such a pretty dog.

Piper: What else did you expect?

Leo: A Doberman.

Phoebe: You're not scared of Prue, are you?

Leo-So, does Phoebe work here, too?

Piper- Phoebe? Work? No, no, no, no. She is probably at her gay and lesbian support group right now.

Leo-Just out of curiostiy...um...are you and Aviva...well, Piper said...

Phoebe- Piper said what??

Leo-Oh, nothing...

Phoebe to Leo (about Piper)-Well, whatever she said you should probably take it with a grain of salt, because somtimes her medication makes her say the strangest things. But don't worry, her shrinks are on it.

Phoebe-Prue was right, which means I'm dating a warlock.

Piper-Been there, done that.

Prue-Oh...Ummm...Can you get up?

Piper-Back off! What do you think I cannot walk now?

Phoebe-Honey, we are just trying to help you.

Piper-Help? You can't even hold a job.

Prue- OK, now wait a minute Piper...

Piper- Save it. Do you always have to be in charge?!

Henry- You must be Pippy.

Prue-I smell Book of Shadows. Did you do something?

Phoebe- I just saved Piper's ass. Where were you?

Phoebe- Prue is just pissy because she didn't get to play superman.

Phoebe- I was just..uhh..

Piper- Opening up a can of whoop ass!

Prue: Don't you think you're overreacting? We are perfectly safe here.

Piper: Don't say that. In horror movies, the person who says that is always the next to die.

Phoebe: Are you okay?

Prue: No I'm not okay. You've turned me into a witch.

Phoebe: You've never asked a guy out before?

Piper: Not on a real date, no.

Phoebe: I don't understand this. Am I the only person in this family who's inherited the 'take a chance gene'?

Piper: Probably cuz if I remember my biology correctly it's attached to the 'can't mind my own business gene'.

Piper: Statistics show that more bad things happen on Friday the 13th than any other day...I met Jeremy on Friday the 13th.

Piper: Yeah...and he tried to kill me

Little Prue: That's my doll!

Little Piper: You gave it to me!

Little Prue: No I didn't. You stole it.

Prue: That's true, you did steal it.

Piper: I did not. Shh!

Prue: Yes you did.

Grams: You know, it was doomed from the start! You never even took his last name!

Patty: You wouldn't let me.

Grams: Well, that's beside the point.

Grams: Well, let him go, I say. If husbands were supposed to stay married, God would've made them live longer.

Grams: Where was I born?

Grams: I'm still not convinced that they're not warlocks.

Patty: We have a pact to undo, we should be looking for a spell...

Prue: Boston. In a hotel room. Breech.

Grams: What was my husband's name?

Prue: (Laughs) Which husband?

Grams: Who's Melinda Warren?

Phoebe: The beginning of our family line. She gave us our powers, our destiny.

Grams: What's the secret ingredient in my blueberry cobbler?

Piper: Honey, and a splash of rum.

Grams: What's IBM selling at in your time?

Bouncer: Hold it, you can't go in there.

Piper: Excuse me?

Bouncer: It's a VIP area.

Piper: Oh, you're assuming because I'm not tall, tattooed, or big-breasted that I'm not important?

That's a bad assumption see, because I own this club, which makes me a V-V-V-I-P.

Piper: So why is Sir Lust-A-Lot lusting after you?

Paige: How should I know?

Piper: Well, because it's your damn fairy tale and its alive and frozen in our kitchen.

Darryl: You froze the crime scene.

Darryl: You cannot freeze a crime scene.

Piper: Well, I did. Ok, we gotta protect Phoebe and Cole. So start wiping fingerprints.

Darryl: No, no, no! Look, I am sick and tired of you and your entire dysfunctional family unit. I will not falsify evidence. I'm a cop.

Piper: Ok, cop. Do I need to remind you that you bailed Cole out of jail last night?

Piper: So I was wondering what you were going to tell your captain when he sees Cole on their surveillance tape?

Darryl: What are you waiting for? Go get the damn tape! I cannot believe I am doing this.

Piper: Ssh! It's for a good cause.

Boss: My, my, my. That pile looks about the same size as it did an hour ago.

Piper: That was my fault. I distracted her with muffins.

Boss: And you are?

Piper: I'm her sister

Leo- We have to talk.

Piper-You bet your whiteliter ass we have to talk.

Piper- Oh, I'm the snake, but you're the one who...

Phoebe-Rome wasn't bulit in a day.

Piper-But my club was ruined in the blink of an eye.

Prue-Why do I have to carry the poisoness snake?

Piper-Cuz you're the oldest. You've lived a full life.

Prue-So, think that's their car over there?

Piper-What, you want me to ask them?

Prue-You know what, you're a smart ass.

Leo (in shower)-Piper, could use pass me a towel? Prue?!

Prue (enjoying this thoroughly)-Leo?...nice orbs...

Genie-You're probably a little bit upset?

Piper-No, I've moved past upset and right to PISSED OFF!

Leo (alone in bathroom)-I look at you and I think how lucky I am. I mean I can't stop looking at you. You're my dream come true. You're my Rays Amedetra. Everytime I see you I love you even more. You're so beautiful. You're so special. I can't imagine my life without you. (Piper walks in) Piper?!?

Piper-Leo, who were you talking to?

Leo-Me? Oh nobody...just myself...

Piper-You were telling yourself how much you love you?

Grams-Logic and reason go out the window when love gets involved.

Piper: Is that water I hear running?

Phoebe: Uh... water? Uh I don't know maybe just a little. Hey you know just out of curiosity. If you were the water shut off valve. Where would you be?

Piper: Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.

Phoebe: It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock

Piper: It's not like either one of us has a problem finding guys.

Piper: So if one of us got Leo. It'd be okay with the other one.

Phoebe: Absolutely.

Piper: So we can just consider this a friendly competition.

Phoebe: Sibling rivalry.

Phoebe: Exactly.

Piper (About helping Jenny with her sex project)-Don't worry, I have plenty of experience.

Piper-No, with talking about it.

Phoebe-But I gotta hand it to those pesky little demons. They sure have brought us a lot closer together.

Prue-Yeah, maybe you should write them a thank you note.

Leo: Phoebe, are you feeling all right?

Phoebe: Peachy keen.

Phoebe: Having a little trouble with young Phoebe?

Piper: Yeah, enough to make me want to reconsider having children.

Little Phoebe: Stay away from me, or I'll sic Prue on you.

Piper: Oh, yeah. Don't go there.

Cole: You let Paige take the Book of Shadows out of the manor.

Piper: Phoebe, why would you even leave her alone with it?

Phoebe: Well because she's our sister.

Piper: Not for long!

Cole: Where'd he take them?

Phoebe: To what Pipers really angry at.

Piper (crying): How dare you! How dare you leave me! How could you go and die and leave me here all alone! Please come back. I need you. Please come back.

Leo: It's ok. It's ok honey.

Piper (crying): It's not ok. She risked her life every day and she never thought about what would happen to me and Phoebe when she was gone. How could she think that I could live without her?

Phoebe: Us theme, you potion.

Piper: Me peeved, you annoying.

Grams: All right fine...you caught us. Congratulations. So what are you gonna do about it, shoot us?

Phoebe: Easy Grams. Not all of us are dead remember?

Piper: Stop or I'll freeze.

Phoebe: She's a witch you cant freeze her.

Piper: She doesn't know that.

Piper: What the hell was that?

Sister Agnes: Good question

Piper: Oh, my God, Cole. Hows my car?

Cole: Oh, its fine.

Piper: That was the first and the last time you borrow my car. Got it? Good. Lets go.

Piper sets a pie down on the counter*

Cole/Frankie: Oh, boy.

*Phoebe/Lulu uses her fingers to grab some of the pie*

Phoebe/Lulu: Here, baby.

Col/Frankie: Mm-Hmm.

Piper: Hey! What is the matter with you two? That is for Paige!

Cole/Frankie: Sorry Maam. Were starving. Ha ha!

Phoebe/Lulu: In so many ways.

Piper: Uh-huh. Well, go to lunch.

Cole/Frankie: Good idea. Lets cut out, Lulu.

Piper: All right, enough with the pet names and the accents in the kitchen. And could you come up with something better than Lulu? It sounds like a poodle.

*Cole/Frankie comes up behind Piper and puts a knife to her throat and she gasps*

Cole/Frankie: You making fun of my girl?

Phoebe/Lulu: My Frankie is so protective.

Piper: Frankieand Lulu.

Phoebe/Lulu: Hi. Were ghosts.

Cole/Frankie: Boo! Ah heh heh heh heh!

Phoebe/Lulu: And weve been waiting for about 50 years to finish a job. So now if youll excuse us

*punches Piper in the face*

Craig: Who are you people?

Leo: Why am I standing in the middle of the ocean?

Piper: Phoebe's a mermaid

Leo: Oh, well, that would explain it